exeggutorhead | 65th Transformation [text

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65th Transformation [text | action for Shark House]

[There's just a short text from Envy's number today:]

Hypothetically, if you have to use a fire extinguisher on an oven, the oven would still work afterwards right?

[Any of Envy's housemates who came to investigate the mix of angry and then panicked shouting that happened shortly before that text went out will be able to find him sitting on the edge of the couch, with flecks of foam all over his front and in his hair, staring at the door to the kitchen like he'd like to murder it. There's a thick, acrid smoke spilling out of the doorway. It smells a little like oranges. But mostly just nasty burnt food.]

[Looking inside the kitchen will reveal batter covered dishes, a frying pan filled to the edges with a smoldering black thing which may have been a pancake, and a pot that's the source of most of the smoke. It's also clearly what the fire extinguisher was aimed at. No, that wasn't a hypothetical question at all.]

[Envy, in the midst of the frustration, is hoping that he's not going to have to buy Greed a new oven.]

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[It only took one disaster a few years back for Envy to learn to use the fire extinguisher. Luckily for the kitchen right about now.]

Crepes! Can you make the alarm stop?!

[ALARMS, HE'S NOT SO VERSED ON. With the fire out, he's practically diving towards the nearest window to jerk it open with a force that shows his frustration.]

_{[Crepes? That is SUCH an oddly-specific thing for Envy to suddenly be making, why crepes instead of normal pancakes or someth-- .... oh.]

[Grimacing, Heather covers her ears and turns around.]}

I have to find a broom or a stick or something-- Cujo, get outta here! Get!

_{[She shoos him out into the hall, and grabs a broom from the corner. It's time to play AB THE ALARM UNTIL IT STOPS WORKING.]}

[Envy finally gets that window open and tries to wave some of the nasty smoke out of it. Yeah the kitchen is going to smell like burnt sugar and oranges for a little while.]

[And while she tries to get the alarm off, he goes back to the stove to actually turn the heat off, because he hadn't had time before when flames suddenly started shooting out of the pot.]

Why doesn't cooking work like it should?!

[And by that he really means why doesn't cooking work exactly like alchemy.]

WHAT?

_{[She can barely hear him over the screeching of the alarm-- teeth gritted, she's just... determinedly stabbing it with the broomstick handle, until the screeching sound finally dies out with a whine.]}

JEEZ.

Ugh.

_{[She throws the broom down and turns back to Envy, a little exasperated, BUT MOSTLY CONCERNED.]}

You didn't get burned, didja?

[The strands of hair that are always in front of his face are looking a little crispy at the ends, but he gives his hands a once over. No, he hadn't been holding them close enough to the fire to do anything more than heat up his fingers. And thank goodness he hadn't been leaning over it.]

[So he shakes his head and rubs at the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut.]

No, just the pot. And the spoon. And the crepe.

[Which is black and smoldering in its own pan; it burned while he was occupied with the fire.]

Good...

_{[She may be fine putting band-aids on his scrapes, but SHE IS NOT WILLING TO DOCTOR BURNS, NOT EVEN FOR ENVY.]

[Edging closer to the mess on the stovetop, she wrinkles her nose and peers down at it.]}

Jeez.

This looks like some complicated shit, dude.

Have you ever even cooked before?

I didn't think it'd be that complicated...

[Now that all of the noise and running and fire-extinguishing is done, he's starting to look embarrassed.]

And, uh...not REALLY. I helped chop and peel things sometimes.

... Yeeeaah, that's not the same thing.

Don't you remember Lust's soup?

_{[Lust's soup has passed into legend.]}

How could I not?

[Envy nearly shudders at the memory of The Soup, and gives the mess on the stove a sour glare.]

But I did have all the right ingredients, and I measured them out right.

[Putting them all together correctly was where it fell apart.]

Well, like, that's a start, but cooking involves a little more than just having the right ingredients, dude.

_{[She looks at the smouldering mess.]}

... Envy, is this because...?

[Envy flinches. Not a whole lot, but it's noticeable. Then he nods, jaw set as though he's daring her to tease him for it, even though he knows that she wouldn't.]

...I found some of the recipes he left. The handwriting was hard to read.

[He gestures over at the table, where the handwritten recipe is sitting well out of harm's way.]

_{[She definitely wouldn't. Heather might tease over a LOT of things, but loss is certainly not fuckin' one of them.]

[She steps over to the table to take a glance at the recipe... then looks back over at him, expression softening.]}

... You probably should've started a little smaller.

That's all.

I will next time.

[He runs a hand through the back of his hair and shuffles a little, awkwardly, before shooting another frustrated glare and a mutter at the mess. Annoyance is a handy distraction.]

Should be easier.

...Guess I should clean all that up, though.

_{[Annoyance can be very helpful under the right circumstances. ... Cleaning is probably not one of those circumstances.]

[Heather's not sure Greed will appreciate coming home and finding all his cookware broken.]}

Yeeeaaaah...

But maybe you should leave it for when you're a little more cooled off.

I don't need to cool off!

[...wait.]

...mmmmaaybe, yeah. Sorry.

[He already may or may not have broken the oven, breaking all the dishes wouldn't be a good thing to add on top of that.]

... Here.

Let's dump the burnt stuff in the trash and then go blow off some steam.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

[And once all the smoking dishes are emptied out and dumped in the sink, he looks to her. She seems like she's got an idea in mind about blowing off steam.]

So, where to?

You'll see. C'mon.

_{[AND SHE WILL LEAD HIM OUTSIDE AND DOWN THE ROAD until they've officially left suburbia and entered the downtown area. The sun's dipping low in the sky by that point, making the shadows cast by the gates of one of the several prominent junkyards in the city run long.]}

Here we are.

We're gonna break some shit.

[That is exactly the suggestion Envy wanted to hear. He bares his teeth in a grin that's still a bit strained.]

Now that sounds like a good idea.

Let's go to the top of one of those piles and kick things off it.

[Destruction! Fun times!! Envy loves breaking shit.]

_{[She grins back. By the time it's dark, she's hoping his smile will be a little less strained.]}

See, you get me. This is why we get along so well.

Race you to the top onetwothreeGO!

_{[And then she TAKES OFF.]}

[With a shout, Envy's off after her. But she had a headstart, so he clambers up onto the top of the junk heap just a little behind her.]

You're such a cheater.

[NOT THAT ENVY CAN TALK. But while he was on his way up, he noticed something that he was already sort of dubious about.]

...Heather, all this stuff is already broken.

[How satisfying could THAT be??]

_{[Getting headstarts is how Heather does everything. She answers with a mad witch's cackle as she climbs to the top of the pile like a monkey, and then stands at the top, planting her hands on her hips and puffing as she surveys the sprawl of twisted scrap metal and old appliances stretching out before them. It's a junkyard and not the city dump, so at least it doesn't SMELL.]

[She wouldn't bring Envy somewhere GROSS to get out all his anger.]

[When he voices his doubt, she flashes him a wild grin.]}

Yeah, and that just makes it all easier to totally ruin.

Watch this.

_{[Lifting a leg, she gives a precariously-balanced, ancient-looking television a hard nudge and sends it tumbling down the hill-- breaking into dozens of pieces on the way down.]}

[Envy is VERY glad that she didn't take him somewhere gross, because he would have refused to go in.]

[Still skeptical, he watches as Heather kicks the TV down the pile...and holy shit that was actually great??]

[He no longer looks skeptical.]

Yeah, I GUESS you could be onto something.

[He finds a broken old stereo and hefts it in one hand, tossing it as far out as he can, feeling a thrill as it shatters against the ground. Yep, definitely onto something.]

_{[His efforts get a loud, congratulatory whoop from Heather, and then it's ON.]

[The next fifteen minutes or so are filled with more destruction than SHOULD be able to be reasonably crammed into fifteen minutes. Between the sound of breaking glass and bellowed warcries, it's kind of a miracle no security guards have come to boot them out.]

[Roaring triumphantly, Heather straightens up with an entire junked motor-scooter held aloft, her arms quaking with the effort. It's probably already been partially-gutted, otherwise she wouldn't be able to lift it at all.]}

OUTTA MY WAY! TIMBERRRRRRRR!

_{[Making a break for the edge of the pile, she hucks the bike off the edge with as much force as possible, nearly toppling off in the process but catching herself just in time. And then standing with her hands on her knees, panting and watching the thing go crashing down to the ground below.]}

[Heather was right, this is great. Turns out that rampant property destruction is still fun even when nobody currently owns the property, who knew?]

[He moves out of her way with a wild laugh as she lifts the bike, holding off on kicking a toaster so that he can watch her FEAT OF STRENGTH--]

[Except this isn't the first time he's watched her do something like this, is it? Envy hadn't thought about those dreams in a while, there had been too much else going on since then, but now that he really thinks of it...and there had been that talk before the weird weekend too, her intensity when she said she'd kill Dante if she appeared.]

...hey, Heather?

[He's gone oddly quiet, almost uncertain if he should even bring it up. But it is strange, isn't it? Not even so much her wanting to kill his former master, but how MUCH she seems to want to.]

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[ACTION] oh wow that was supposed to say 'jab'

[ACTION] hahaha I figured it out!

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