65th Transformation [text | action for Shark House]

[exeggutorhead]

[There's just a short text from Envy's number today:]

Hypothetically, if you have to use a fire extinguisher on an oven, the oven would still work afterwards right?

[Any of Envy's housemates who came to investigate the mix of angry and then panicked shouting that happened shortly before that text went out will be able to find him sitting on the edge of the couch, with flecks of foam all over his front and in his hair, staring at the door to the kitchen like he'd like to murder it. There's a thick, acrid smoke spilling out of the doorway. It smells a little like oranges. But mostly just nasty burnt food.]

[Looking inside the kitchen will reveal batter covered dishes, a frying pan filled to the edges with a smoldering black thing which may have been a pancake, and a pot that's the source of most of the smoke. It's also clearly what the fire extinguisher was aimed at. No, that wasn't a hypothetical question at all.]

[Envy, in the midst of the frustration, is hoping that he's not going to have to buy Greed a new oven.]

Comments

[ACTION]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy's got the extinguisher out when she comes in, spraying foam at the pot on the stovetop. The fire is well out by now, but that wooden spoon that was in the pot when it caught fire is going to need a replacement. Maybe also the pot. He's looking both alarmed and clearly very frustrated with the...everything. The shrill noise of the alarm isn't helping.]

It wasn't supposed to catch on FIRE!

[He gives it another spray of foam. JUST IN CASE.]

[ACTION]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[On one hand, she's relieved to see him spraying the fire. On the other... she's kind of amazed he actually knows how to use the extinguisher.]

[BUT HEY. Not complaining.]

[Shielding her face from the acrid smoke, she steps a little closer as Cujo runs in circles around the kitchen, barking.]</sub>

Well, I should HOPE not!

What-- what were you trying to cook?!

[ACTION]

[exeggutorhead]

[It only took one disaster a few years back for Envy to learn to use the fire extinguisher. Luckily for the kitchen right about now.]

Crepes! Can you make the alarm stop?!

[ALARMS, HE'S NOT SO VERSED ON. With the fire out, he's practically diving towards the nearest window to jerk it open with a force that shows his frustration.]

[ACTION]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Crepes? That is SUCH an oddly-specific thing for Envy to suddenly be making, why crepes instead of normal pancakes or someth-- .... oh.]

[Grimacing, Heather covers her ears and turns around.]</sub>

I have to find a broom or a stick or something-- Cujo, get outta here! Get!

_{[She shoos him out into the hall, and grabs a broom from the corner. It's time to play AB THE ALARM UNTIL IT STOPS WORKING.]}

[ACTION]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy finally gets that window open and tries to wave some of the nasty smoke out of it. Yeah the kitchen is going to smell like burnt sugar and oranges for a little while.]

[And while she tries to get the alarm off, he goes back to the stove to actually turn the heat off, because he hadn't had time before when flames suddenly started shooting out of the pot.]

Why doesn't cooking work like it should?!

[And by that he really means why doesn't cooking work exactly like alchemy.]

[ACTION] oh wow that was supposed to say 'jab'

[foolishwren]

WHAT?

_{[She can barely hear him over the screeching of the alarm-- teeth gritted, she's just... determinedly stabbing it with the broomstick handle, until the screeching sound finally dies out with a whine.]}

JEEZ.

Ugh.

_{[She throws the broom down and turns back to Envy, a little exasperated, BUT MOSTLY CONCERNED.]}

You didn't get burned, didja?

[ACTION] hahaha I figured it out!

[exeggutorhead]

[The strands of hair that are always in front of his face are looking a little crispy at the ends, but he gives his hands a once over. No, he hadn't been holding them close enough to the fire to do anything more than heat up his fingers. And thank goodness he hadn't been leaning over it.]

[So he shakes his head and rubs at the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut.]

No, just the pot. And the spoon. And the crepe.

[Which is black and smoldering in its own pan; it burned while he was occupied with the fire.]

[ACTION]

[foolishwren]

Good...

<sub>[She may be fine putting band-aids on his scrapes, but SHE IS NOT WILLING TO DOCTOR BURNS, NOT EVEN FOR ENVY.]

[Edging closer to the mess on the stovetop, she wrinkles her nose and peers down at it.]</sub>

Jeez.

This looks like some complicated shit, dude.

Have you ever even cooked before?

[ACTION]

[exeggutorhead]

I didn't think it'd be that complicated...

[Now that all of the noise and running and fire-extinguishing is done, he's starting to look embarrassed.]

And, uh...not REALLY. I helped chop and peel things sometimes.

text

[exeggutorhead]

yeah probably

but hell if I'm putting it back together myself, I'm not a mechanic. It'd be worse than if I'd just left it on fire.

[fatalissimo]

Slightly. I only slightly wrecked an oven.

...Okay, no, but they're pretty forgiving over there. I guess they have to be, the town's kind of crawling with monks, so everyone learns the art of zen and donut-making or something.

What were you - hypothetically - doing that set an oven on fire, anyway?

[envy_the_sinners]

They why did you feel the need to ask in the first place?

text

[pipers_son]

thats why we hire other people

who honeslty i think are just doing some sort of magic because i dont understand bit of it myself

[exeggutorhead]

Fine, fine, slightly.

Hypothetically, I was trying to make a crepes recipe that I can't read the whole name of and seemed like it would be easier and not involve anything catching fire. So the stovetop is what would have gotten most of the fire extinguishing.

If this had actually happened, that is.

[exeggutorhead]

Because I don't know if the extinguisher broke the oven by drowning it in foam, that's why

I'm not a mechanic

[envy_the_sinners]

You aren't going to know until you try to use it...

[ACTION]

[foolishwren]

... Yeeeaah, that's not the same thing.

Don't you remember Lust's soup?

_{[Lust's soup has passed into legend.]}

[ACTION]

[exeggutorhead]

How could I not?

[Envy nearly shudders at the memory of The Soup, and gives the mess on the stove a sour glare.]

But I did have all the right ingredients, and I measured them out right.

[Putting them all together correctly was where it fell apart.]

[fatalissimo]

Oh, hey, there we go. On the plus side, if it's just the stovetop then that's probably a little less fucked. Better than having to hose down the entire oven, anyway, it might be salvageable.

...I've got no idea how you hypothetically fucked up crepes that bad, though. Did you make them too thin somehow or what?

[exeggutorhead]

do you really think it's a good idea for me to try cooking again right this second

[envy_the_sinners]

No, but that does not mean you cannot turn the oven on.

[exeggutorhead]

yeah and if it catches on fire again or explodes I'm telling Lust it was your idea.

[Envy still doesn't entirely trust modern ovens.]

[envy_the_sinners]

If you actually think she would take your word over mine...

[exeggutorhead]

Oh I know she would, I'VE known her longer than you. She can tell when I'm telling the truth.

and this conversation is also written down

[envy_the_sinners]

You actually think you can accurately say that?

Regardless, it would still be a result of your own foolishness.