exeggutorhead | IC Contact

_{[Heather runs her fingers through her hair, sighing.]}

Me too, so I guess when you get right down to it, I don't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to bitchin' you out.

... But please.

Leave that kid alone from now on?

Now that I've met him... I fuckin' know he's not the one we should be mad at.

_{[For a second she wavered over whether or not to say 'we' rather than 'you'.]

[But she's guilt-tripped him enough already and dictating what he alone should be angry about is more accusing than ever. So it's 'we'.]

[Because even if he broke the terms of the deal, she's still got his back when it comes to his father. And it's important for him to know that.]}

[Envy's guarded expression wavers when she says 'we'. Yeah, he picked up on what she meant by that, and he's very grateful.]

How do you know that?

[...but even in the depths of guilt-trip, being angry at Elrics is something he's pretty damn stubborn about.]

_{[... Well first of all Envy, ALPHONSE IS IN FACT A YOUNG CHILD, but if that's not reason enough for you already, repeating it probably won't do any good.]

[So she sighs and just looks at him.]}

He told me to give you a message for him, because he feels bad and thought it would be better coming from me than him.

It turns out your dad didn't kill you. He was going to, but you got to him first.

Al lied. But I never would've known it if he hadn't told me and asked me to pass it along to you. Along with his apology.

And I've seen enough fake apologies in my time to know when one's legit.

He did a shitty thing, lying to you like that. N'I told him so.

But he's a kid. And he didn't have to tell me anything.

[Whatever was left of that controlled expression? Say goodbye to it.]

[At first it's just more stubborn frowning, because psh, what kind of message could Al have for him? And then...]

[He's almost not sure he's hearing her right at first. He may not have brought it up in a while, but he definitely still wasn't over the supposed fact that Hohenheim had killed him in the end and used his death to take the happy family back home. As she keeps talking, it starts sinking in. He's flooded with fury that Alphonse had lied about it and that he'd been wrecked over it all this time for nothing, and elation and relief because he did it he killed that bastard after all this time he was the one to do it. There's shock and confusion and triumph and, somewhere underneath the rest, a strange feeling of hollowness.]

[And he hasn't even really processed the part about the apology yet.]

[Instead, he leans forward, reaching to grab onto Heather's shoulders and looking at her with wide eyes. His grip is tight, but not painful, and his voice is a bit shaky.]

I...he said I was the one to do it? I killed him?

_{[WHOA THERE BUD.]

[She can't help but flinch back a little bit when he suddenly reaches out, but she doesn't try to yank away. As long as his grip doesn't become painful, anyway.]}

Yeah, he said you were the one to do it.

That you got him before the trans-- ... the thing went off.

[Fortunately, he doesn't keep holding onto her for much longer after she re-confirms that yes, it happened.]

[His grip slackens, and he leans back heavily against the back of his own chair. He raises a hand to his face, pressing the heel of it to the bridge of his nose and gripping the tips of his fingers into his scalp. And then he laughs, quietly and a bit unhinged.]

I did it, I really...

[The rest of what she said starts to catch up, and with a deep breath he comes back to himself, at least mostly. A small, confused frown starts on his face.]

...he apologized?

_{[As he takes it all in, she just watches him for a moment. It's a little weird to see, and hear-- that laugh, that heavy slump.]

[Is that how she'd have looked and sounded if she'd been able to go back in time and kill Dahlia?]}

... Yeah, he apologized.

Said you didn't deserve to be lied to like that. Regardless of whatever it is you did to him back in your world.

[He breathes out slowly, still frowning.]

[That's...strange. Complicated. She doesn't have a reason to lie to him about it or make it up, but he still resists the idea.]

[He wants to hate Alphonse Elric completely, and it would be easy to just take away that he'd lied in the first place and use that to hate him more.]

[But...didn't deserve to be lied to like that? And Al didn't have to tell Heather at all. There was nothing for him to have gained by it, he could have just told her everything Envy had ever done and made himself out like a saint in comparison. It was what Envy had expected him to do if Al ever spoke to any of Envy's friends. It was what he'd been afraid of.]

[For Al to have done the unexpected instead...it knocks a crack in that wall, one that he doesn't want to think about.]

...oh.

[HE'S NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY.]

_{[... Well, at least he's not doing a bluescreen of death or something.]

[And it's kind of a relief that he looks so unsure rather than just flying into denial immediately.]

[So she nods.]}

Yeah.

So that's how the conversation went.

Then I helped him pick out some Christmas gifts for people since he was havin' trouble.

_{[Because even if she'd been kind of mad on Envy's behalf about the lie... the willing apology and offering of that information had been one hell of a sign of good faith, and proof to her that the kid is probably a good egg.]

[Leaving plenty of room for her to redirect all her weird righteous rage projections onto Envy's parents. Something she's PERFECTLY happy to do.]}

[Envy nods, slowly. He doesn't really want to hear about her hanging out with Al; not that he'd throw a fit about it, he's already accepted Lust hanging around him, but why do his friends always seem to go befriend Ed or Al too?]

[Normally he'd just get kind of annoyed and change the subject to something else, but instead those doubts Dante planted come slithering back up. He's already in an off-kilter place from the rest of the conversation, so it isn't hard for them to slip in. Why want someone like him as a friend, when they could have someone without a closet full of skeletons, who wasn't just barely learning how to do this as they went?]

[Heather's his friend, she cares about him and he does about her. For how long, though?]

[So he looks oddly subdued, like how he's been looking whenever he thinks nobody's watching lately. He still doesn't know what to say.]

...was that everything?

_{[If she knew he was having doubts, she'd have reassured him. Al's a good kid and Heather likes him, but Envy's her friend and he's been her friend for a lot LONGER.]

[Besides... while she doesn't exactly know the kid's background yet, in the end she can relate to Envy and his family so much more than most humans she knows.]

[But she has no idea what kind of thoughts are swirling around behind that strange, dismal expression, so she just watches for a moment.]}

... Everything from my end, I guess, yeah.

Are you mad?

[He looks surprised at the question before shaking his head, and for a moment his mouth quirks into an expression that's more normal for him.]

No, you've seen me mad. You'd know if I was.

I'm...I don't know.

[He makes a vague gesture with his hands. It's not like he doesn't know why he's like this right now. He's already talked to Greed about it...sort of.]

_{[She opened this conversation by storming into the house and yelling at him. She's not exactly sure how well 'Do you wanna talk about it?' will go over after that.]

[But she doesn't want to leave the conversation like this. Is he really this troubled over being called out about Alphonse?]

[... No, that can't be it. Because he's been looking weirdly subdued for awhile now.]}

... I know I just bitched you out, but if there's something bugging you... you can talk to me about it if you want.

[To be fair, he absolutely did deserve that bitching out.]

[He can't really hold it against her for being mad that he'd broken that deal. Because, well. He did break that deal pretty hard.]

[So it's not because of that that he hesitates, but because 'talking about problems' is never something he enjoys doing. But...]

She was here. Over the weekend.

_{[For a second, Heather just blinks.]

['She'?]

[They'd only talked about Envy's master once or twice, and while it'd definitely had an impact, she's still not the first person to spring to Heather's mind at the word.]

[But then it dawns on her, and her eyes widen.]}

She...

... You mean... _{[She swallows, because the word is too bitter on her tongue to say it without bracing herself.]} ... your master?

[Whoops. With all the other homunculi around, he's slipped back into the habit of just saying 'she' and expecting people to know who he's talking about.]

[He would have realized and elaborated in a second, but she figured him out.]

[His jaw tenses when she says master, and he nods.]

Yeah, her. I found out she was here early on, but I managed to keep away from her until the last day.

[He'd tried so hard to hide. And now that he's started talking, he just keeps going.]

I told her I wasn't going back, and that I'm not what she always said. And she kept talking and by the end of it I was showing her around and doing as I was told. She made it seem like I wasn't but that's what I was doing.

[Now he sounds mad. He sounds angry and frustrated with himself and ashamed. He'd thought he was more out than that.]

_{[She listens in silence as he tells her what happened, her face pale.]

[She's no stranger to what he's describing.]

[People like that can twist a 'no' into a 'maybe' into a 'yes' so fast it seems almost effortless. They're great at it. Dahlia had been great at it.]

[And that frustration in is voice is all too familiar, too. She's felt that.]}

Envy...

I should've killed her, right?

But I can't. I didn't even think of it.

I can't even say she's not my master anymore if she can still do all that, can I?

_{[She finds herself shaking her head slightly-- no, no, she hadn't been going to say that. Despite her weird vehemence on the subject in their earlier conversations, she hadn't been going to say that.]

[Because it's one thing to talk about it. She knows it's another thing entirely to actually do it.]

[Words aren't coming, though.]

[So she stands up, so abruptly that the chair actually wobbles behind her- and then, with VERY LITTLE WARNING, steps forward to yank Envy into a tight, fierce hug. One arm around his back and the other hand on the back of his head. There's no mistaking it for anything but a hug, despite its alarming suddenness.]}

[Envy freezes, startled, at the unexpected hug. But once he realizes what's happening...]

[Some of the tension and defensiveness and anger seems to drain out of him. Not all or even most, but some. And it's replaced by a feeling of relief.]

[And after a long moment, he lifts his arms and puts them around her back, returning the hug.]

_{[That's right, Envy. You may be IN TROUBLE, but you're still getting a goddamn hug. Because you NEED ONE.]

[It's a little awkward, standing up and hugging someone who's still sitting down, but when he joins the embrace, it lets her lean in a little bit and hold him more closely.]

[And she will STAND THERE LIKE THAT as long as he's willing to stay that way, speaking in a low murmur.]}

It's okay.

It's okay.

You did fine.

[His grip tightens, fingers clenching into the fabric of her jacket. But what she's doing does ease some of the doubts that Dante had planted about their friendship.]

[He stays in the embrace for longer than he would have normally before finally pulling away, looking at her but not really meeting her eyes.]

I don't know if I'd call that doing fine.

[He sounds like he's making a self-deprecating joke, but mostly he just sounds tired.]

_{[Once he starts to pull away she lets him, although she keeps her hands lightly on his shoulders. Touch feels important. She may not know the truth about just how hard Envy's confidence in his friendships was shaken, but between her own experiences and the number of people she's known here over the years with CRIPPLING ABANDONMENT ISSUES, it somehow feels important and necessary to keep contact, even if it's just a hand on the shoulder.]}

I know it doesn't feel that way. But really, it is.

This sort of shit is hard, man. It's really hard. I know I probably didn't make it sound that way when I talked about it, but...

If it were as easy as just walking away, well... things'd be different.

[Envy doesn't pull away at all from her hands on his shoulders. Because touch is important, and it means a lot.]

[He lets out a huff of breath that has an almost bitter sound to it, and mutters.] Seems like everything important is always harder than it should be.

[Especially when he's been taking the easy way out for such a long, long time. Four years isn't enough to get used to it, not after four hundred. He looks up at her.]

How did you do it?

Ain't that the truth.

_{[At his question, her shoulders sag in a deep sigh. It's not one that she's unprepared to answer (at least to Envy. MOST people, maybe not as much), but it still prods old wounds.]

[She lets go with one hand so that she can reach back and drag her chair over, reclaiming her seat.]}

.... I wasn't able to until she'd already decided it wasn't important to keep me on her side anymore.

She'd hurt me plenty before that, but she'd always managed to coax me back into thinking that maybe if I was good, she'd love me.

... But then she realized that it would be much easier to drop the pretenses. That she was just going to take what she wanted instead of wheedle it out of me.

_{[She doesn't make eye contact as she says any of this. She's just staring at the edge of the table.]}

(no subject)

exeggutorhead - 2015-01-16 03:28 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

foolishwren - 2015-01-16 05:22 (UTC) - Expand