exeggutorhead | IC Contact

_{[She finds herself shaking her head slightly-- no, no, she hadn't been going to say that. Despite her weird vehemence on the subject in their earlier conversations, she hadn't been going to say that.]

[Because it's one thing to talk about it. She knows it's another thing entirely to actually do it.]

[Words aren't coming, though.]

[So she stands up, so abruptly that the chair actually wobbles behind her- and then, with VERY LITTLE WARNING, steps forward to yank Envy into a tight, fierce hug. One arm around his back and the other hand on the back of his head. There's no mistaking it for anything but a hug, despite its alarming suddenness.]}

[Envy freezes, startled, at the unexpected hug. But once he realizes what's happening...]

[Some of the tension and defensiveness and anger seems to drain out of him. Not all or even most, but some. And it's replaced by a feeling of relief.]

[And after a long moment, he lifts his arms and puts them around her back, returning the hug.]

_{[That's right, Envy. You may be IN TROUBLE, but you're still getting a goddamn hug. Because you NEED ONE.]

[It's a little awkward, standing up and hugging someone who's still sitting down, but when he joins the embrace, it lets her lean in a little bit and hold him more closely.]

[And she will STAND THERE LIKE THAT as long as he's willing to stay that way, speaking in a low murmur.]}

It's okay.

It's okay.

You did fine.

[His grip tightens, fingers clenching into the fabric of her jacket. But what she's doing does ease some of the doubts that Dante had planted about their friendship.]

[He stays in the embrace for longer than he would have normally before finally pulling away, looking at her but not really meeting her eyes.]

I don't know if I'd call that doing fine.

[He sounds like he's making a self-deprecating joke, but mostly he just sounds tired.]

_{[Once he starts to pull away she lets him, although she keeps her hands lightly on his shoulders. Touch feels important. She may not know the truth about just how hard Envy's confidence in his friendships was shaken, but between her own experiences and the number of people she's known here over the years with CRIPPLING ABANDONMENT ISSUES, it somehow feels important and necessary to keep contact, even if it's just a hand on the shoulder.]}

I know it doesn't feel that way. But really, it is.

This sort of shit is hard, man. It's really hard. I know I probably didn't make it sound that way when I talked about it, but...

If it were as easy as just walking away, well... things'd be different.

[Envy doesn't pull away at all from her hands on his shoulders. Because touch is important, and it means a lot.]

[He lets out a huff of breath that has an almost bitter sound to it, and mutters.] Seems like everything important is always harder than it should be.

[Especially when he's been taking the easy way out for such a long, long time. Four years isn't enough to get used to it, not after four hundred. He looks up at her.]

How did you do it?

Ain't that the truth.

_{[At his question, her shoulders sag in a deep sigh. It's not one that she's unprepared to answer (at least to Envy. MOST people, maybe not as much), but it still prods old wounds.]

[She lets go with one hand so that she can reach back and drag her chair over, reclaiming her seat.]}

.... I wasn't able to until she'd already decided it wasn't important to keep me on her side anymore.

She'd hurt me plenty before that, but she'd always managed to coax me back into thinking that maybe if I was good, she'd love me.

... But then she realized that it would be much easier to drop the pretenses. That she was just going to take what she wanted instead of wheedle it out of me.

_{[She doesn't make eye contact as she says any of this. She's just staring at the edge of the table.]}

[Envy listens quietly. And when she's done, he reaches one hand up to put over hers on his shoulder, squeezing.]

[A sharp anger flares in his expression, that someone had done that to Heather. And he holds none of the attachment he does for Dante to Heather's mother. Dahlia, he can be angry at without any conflict at all.]

When I told her I'm a person, that I'm real, it...she seemed like she was really thinking about it.

[And putting that against what Heather just said...]

But then she'd make points. Contradictions.

_{[She looks up at the hand on her shoulder, then offers Envy a small smile. It's a little strained, but it's genuine. She knows how much that gesture means coming from him. Coming from ANY of his kind.]

[The smile fades when he goes on though, and she just nods.]

[Yep. Familiar as hell.]}

That's how they do it.

They make themselves seem so reasonable. Make you doubt yourself.

And before you know it, they have you eating out of their hands again.

That's how it always goes.

That's how it went with me.

Till she came up with away to get what she needed without my cooperation.

_{[She takes a deep breath, then takes her hand off of Envy's shoulder to place it on the one he has on hers, giving it a hard squeeze.]}

You can't beat yourself up for this, man. Please don't.

She wants you back but she can't have you. And if you can't get away from her on your own... well.

Next time she shows her fuckin' face...

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