IC Contact

[exeggutorhead]

"Hey, this is Envy. I'm busy or not around, so say whatever you want here and I might get back to you about it."

Comments

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

Look at this shit.

<sub>[Henry fumbles the gear a little to get it facing the right way before making it focus on a Christmas card depicting an old cartoony Snover. It's done in pastel style with huge-ass sad eyes. Above it in jarringly happy text is:

[SNOBODY TO LOVE]</sub>

Who sends somebody something like this? Why is this even a thing?

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

[...snrk.]

I dunno, someone could always send it to someone they really, really hate.

[Envy would have sent it to Roy Mustang or Edward Elric in a heartbeat if they were still here.]

But that doesn't answer why someone designed it.

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

There's not even anything sappy inside, it's just blank. Somebody was paid to draw this sad ugly little tree pokemon.

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

Maybe they were hoping someone could come up with something better than anything their cold, black hearts could conceive of.

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

There's this store back home called Hot Topic that would sell morbid stuff like this...but it's the only card out here like this.

So, yeah, I guess these people are just twisted. I'm going to buy five.

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

[He laughs.]

And are you going to send them to anyone?

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

I'm sending them all to one person.

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

Oh? Do I get to know who this unfortunate person is?

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

So, you know Heather's big grouchy friend, Ironhide, right?

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

The one who's a robot?

[Envy has never spoken to Ironhide, so all he knows about him is that he's a grouch, he's a robot, and he's friends with Heather. And that he has a stupid name.]

[Envy also definitely pictures him like one of these things. THAT'S WHAT ROBOTS LOOK LIKE, RIGHT?]

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

Yes, that one exactly. I need to make up five different names for these cards to be from.

[Video]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy laughs, smirking. Petty revenge is the very best kind. You go, Henry.]

Do you want them to sound as goofy as Ironhide, or more nondescript?

[Because Envy will gladly help make up names.]

[Video]

[no_ufo_ending]

Nah, man nah. This gotta sound legit.