exeggutorhead | IC Inbox

Closer to the brownie scenario, I think. I'd be much more sure what to do if I'd accidentally killed someone.

[A small laugh.]

It's about Valentine's Day.

True, all you'd need my help with there is getting rid of the body.

[He snickers too, before it dies down to listen.]

What about Valentine's Day? Doing something for it?

[His tone gets a little teasing, but he bites his tongue on going further with it like he normally would, since there's apparently an issue.]

Ask away.

Therein lies the dilemma.

I've never done anything for it before. In fact, ignoring it and avoiding it was becoming something of a tradition. Scar never liked all those trappings of romance or anything like that, it made him uncomfortable. He didn't even like going out anywhere together.

Ti...my current suitor, however...is quite the old fashioned romantic. I'm rather certain he'd very much like to make a to-do.

[Good god, when is Timothy going to start using his proper name? She hates having to keep using descriptors to talk about him.]

You know, when France wanted to make a big deal out of it, he'd be the one to set something up. So I think you might be spared having to come up with some big romantic thing.

[He might have noticeably stumbled over bringing his former boyfriend up, but he did do it at least! Almost normally!]

Now, whether you want to do the romantic thing...like, how old fashioned are you talking?

Also, you can just say boyfriend. It's less of a mouthful.

[He knows she won't, but that doesn't mean he can't tease her sometimes when it comes up. Especially if it might keep this conversation from spiraling into deeply troubling serious emotions town any faster than it already might.]

Edited 2017-02-02 02:51 (UTC)

Perhaps if we were teenagers...

[There's a teasing note in her own voice.]

I'm not sure if he would, without my say so. He isn't entirely unaware of my...hesitance in general. We've talked about it, at least vaguely.

[So many potential pitfalls, when it comes to this subject, for both of them.]

I...I think I do. I like when we go out, like other pairs do. I like that he holds my hand and opens doors and pulls out my chair. Which should give you an indication of the level of old fashioned.

[She sighs, because this is the real trouble.]

And I want to do all those silly, foolish romantic cliches with him and I feel terrible for it.

Technically, you are still a teenager, aren't you?

[Although then...oh. Yeah...there it is. There are the complicated Emotions. And they're ones that Envy is honestly a lot more familiar with than he'd at all like.]

Well, I did always wonder if maybe we were all allergic to romance...

[It's sort of a lackluster humor now, though, that drops as he falls silent for a long moment.]

...guilty?

Only chronologically.

It always seemed so ridiculous. It still seems ridiculous. But a nice sort of ridiculous.

[Lust swallows hard before she continues. These aren't things she's given voice to, but she can't keep turning them over herself any longer. And Envy...she trusts and loves him more than anyone in this world, who else could she possibly share these things with?]

It's so easy, with him. When we talk, when we're together, when we hold each other. It's all so comfortable and simple and natural. There's no...struggling, no worrying, every conversation isn't a minefield of potential hours long arguments, there's nothing haunting us in every quiet moment...

Yeah. Nice sort of ridiculous sounds about right.

[He's quiet and a little far away when he says it, but his attention snaps back to her when she keeps talking. Yeah, he knows all about the difficulties with Lust's previous relationship, as much as they'd loved each other. Everyone in the house knew. It had been kind of difficult not to, after the beach.]

[Envy had never had the kinds of problems with France that Scar and Lust had with each other. They'd almost never fought over anything, there wasn't really a struggle, save for getting used to the idea of being in a relationship at all...but...]

[Sometimes, he can't help but be glad that he doesn't have to dread the idea of Heather finding out anything about his past. He doesn't have to hide anything from her to seem like a better person than he really is for fear of being left, even if France might never have done such a thing. The fear had still been there, and they hadn't ever bridged the subject. He'd gotten a bit of an idea that France's past wasn't rosy either, but he'd never asked. Maybe they'd both been too afraid of it. But that's not a problem with Heather, he can be honest with her.]

...it's weird. Finding a person when you never thought you could at all, and then managing to find someone else.

It's okay to be happy with something different. At least, I keep telling myself that.

I didn't think there'd be anyone else. I think I didn't want there to be anyone else. And then...

[God, it's so confusing. All these conflicting emotions. But now that she's begun, she can't hold anything in any longer. It all starts coming out, all the fears and shame and unease over her newfound romance.]

I think...maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty if they weren't so similar. That isn't why I have feelings for the man I'm with now, but...it's an undeniable truth. Except...this one isn't broken beyond all repair. I've been watching him live through those same things that broke Scar, and I can't help but think to myself things like 'god, no, he can't end up like that' and I hate myself for it.

I loved Scar. I still do, I always will in some way. But I'm frightened that I'm happier with what I've found now.

[That particular guilt is one that, fortunately, doesn't really apply to Envy's situation. Heather and France couldn't be more different to one another, especially in terms of romance.]

I don't know how to help you with them being the same, except...I mean, you just said yourself, you know that isn't why you like him. You didn't go out looking for 'Scar except less fucked up'. And that's all happening to him now?

It's a coincidence, not you looking for a replacement. And...it's kind of a lucky coincidence, isn't it? That if it has to happen to him, he's going through all of these things that you have some idea of how to deal with. Most people wouldn't.

That's one of the reasons Heather and I work so well. We've got so much in common that we know how to help each other. [He pauses, swallows.] France...France and I didn't have that so much, and it's...a big difference.

I feel shitty about it, too, but what can we do? Things are as they are.

[Even if Envy hadn't intended it, he does manage to say just the right thing. Lust lets out a sigh, one of almost relief. Because Envy does understand.]

Yes, that's...there's an understanding here, that wasn't there before. He understands me, he understands those things that...no one who hasn't been through similar ever could. We understand each other. We always end up saying the right thing, instead of the wrong.

I imagine it's the same for the pair of you. There's something within you each that calls out to the other. It isn't something looked for, it's just...something that is. And will be, whether you want it or not.

I...would like to think Scar would be happy that I'm happy. I'd very much like to think that.

Yeah...that sounds like it's the same. We always seem to know what to do about each other, what to say.

I'd like to think France'd be happy too. That's what Heather said when we first got together, that she can't imagine that he'd want to see me just be miserable and alone forever.

[He sighs, going quiet for a second. Because France and Scar are...not the same people. Scar was a lot more jealous than France ever was.]

I know he wouldn't want you to be unhappy. Not the way you were after he left.

I'm sure he would be. And I imagine he'd approve of Heather in particular.

No, if nothing else, I know he wouldn't want that. Sometimes I wonder what pained me the most. My losing him, or him...losing any chance he had to be happy. He never let himself enjoy anything. He was only just starting to accept the possibility.

[That, Envy's not entirely sure how to respond to.]

I don't know. Even if he didn't, he at least got to be here for a long while. Maybe not as long as some people, but...longer than most. Which is something.

No, it was more than...it was more than some. More than a great number who never even have the chance.

...and I sometimes wonder if more time would have even made a difference.

He was so broken, Envy.

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