64th Transformation [FOURTH WALL]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy's having a little bit of an issue this weekend.]

[Not swarming Pokemon or even teleportation, oh no. Those, he's gotten fairly good at handling. It's weird that these weekends are something anybody could get used to, but he just about has.]

[No, this time the problem is musical. There's a haunting song playing instead of the background music wherever Envy finds himself. It's scratchy and clearly sounds like it's coming out of an old phonograph, and he KNOWS that if he looks hard enough he'll probably find the damn thing somewhere. He knows he will because he DOES keep finding it, smashing it, and getting an hour or two of quiet before it COMES BACK.]

[Honestly, any reminders of his old master aside, he's spent four centuries listening to this waily goddamn song and he's just sick of it. So during the weekend, if anybody comes across him while the song is going, they'll find him pulling up bushes with his bare hands to look behind them and kicking around any spot where a phonograph could be hiding, trying to get it. And Envy will absolutely recruit passersby to help him out.]

[If the song isn't playing at the moment and providing a distraction, he'll be wandering around anywhere, still in the oddly subdued mood he's been in the past few weeks.]

Comments

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Given everything that she's been through, Heather's prepared to anticipate a lot in the heat of the moment.]

[But rapid, spontaneous limb growth?]

[Not one of those things.]

[The arm erupting from the beast's previously-smooth side catches her off-guard and she shrieks as the scaly fingers close around her, beating her wings and thrashing like a snared tiger.]</sub>

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy's careful grabbing her; she's a bird-thing, for all he knows her bones are hollow. The last thing he wants to do is break them by accident, even if she was just attacking him. Henry's shouted reasoning was a reminder to him too. He even loosens his grip on Hentree a little bit.]

He's right, I'm not going to hurt either of you. Look, Heather, he's fine. You're both fine. [He lifts the hand holding her so that she's on level with Hentree and they can see each other.]

If you'll calm down, we're going to figure out what the hell's going on.

[He nudges Henry with the end of his tail, trying to prompt him to get up on his back without actually saying anything and alerting the two monsters. He's still planning on heading to the house, and if Henry gets on he'll start slithering his way down the street.]

[reluctantreceiver]

I don't know you!

_{[This time he said a full sentence instead of roaring...but it was still sort of a roar. The white fungus was peppering his body now--a ticking timebomb of bad times hallucinations that would make the berries he and the more human Henry shared run home crying.]}

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[It's so weird to hear that shouted in his own voice.]}

Yes you--we do! He's our best friend!

[foolishwren]

Heather.

The damn thing said her name.

Baring her teeth, she twists in the giant fingers holding her, trying to sink her teeth into them but not really getting anywhere. The disconcerting chorus of two Henry voices arguing is enough to make her brain overheat, and she doesn't bother with the niceties.

The first words out of her mouth come in a horrible ratcheting scream.

"I'LL BURROW INTO YOUR CHEST LIKE A FUCKING REVERSE-XENOMORPH AND FEAST ON YOUR STILL-BEATING HEART, YOU GIANT PIECE OF OVERCOOKED SPINACH LINGUINI!!"

[exeggutorhead]

You might not know me, but I know you. There's some weird multiple worlds shit going on right now.

[But Envy's just becoming increasingly sure that calm talk and reasoning aren't going to do a thing here. And the insult from Heather just gets him to let out a huff.]

Oh, yeah? Big talk coming from an oversized featherduster.

Fine, if you're not going to calm down, I'm not going to put you down.

[At his size and speed, it's not much longer before they're coming up on the house. He calls out as they approach, loudly enough that there's no way he won't be heard by anyone in there.]

HEY! Greed, Lust? You guys home? Heather?

[HONESTLY HE'S HOPING FOR GREED OR LUST. They've got the powers to make monster wrangling a bit easier.]

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry quickly hops down. But wow, that insult the bird girl spit out. That sure is Heather. He opens the door so that Envy's roars for help could be heard.]}

Heather? GOOD Heather?

[reluctantreceiver]

_{[3...2....BA-POOMPF! The fungi poking out of the distressed tree man fruited and spread open dozens of pale parasols, sprinking the dragon and any nearby birds with spores. Weird times ahead, yall.]}

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Good Heather is seemingly not around-- at least not right now, anyway. There is nothing to stop her weird feathery doppelganger from continuing to throw a giant tantrum in the dragon's grip.]

[Shrieking and flapping and gnawing on Envy's giant dragonfingers continues.... until the spray of spores just kind of.]

[Erupts all over everything.]

[HarpyHeather lets out a squawk before going silent, her squirming swapped out for a weird shiver as the dusty substance settles over her body.]

[????]

[??????????????????????]</sub>

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy did not expect the spores, shaking his head and sneezing in surprise as they settle all over his face. But he doesn't avoid breathing them in; after all, they shouldn't have any effect on a homunculus. Right?]

[He notices angry bird Heather go quiet and stop chewing on him, and thinks that maybe this was more helpful than anything.]

[Except...]

Henry. [His vision swims and he starts to sway.] I'm feeling weird...hold the door open.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry pulls his attention from actually looking inside the house for any other craziness and turns to find a very wobbly dragon. He shoves the door open and dives out of the way.]}

Envy! What's wrong?

_{[....Eugh! Why are his eyes so itchy suddenly?]}

[reluctantreceiver]

_{[Meanwhile, Hentree is lucky enough to be (mostly) immune to his own spores. He starts struggling in Envy's grip again.]}

[foolishwren]

<sub>[The harpy's vision is swimming.]

[She'd done pot a number of times back before her life was turned upside-down, and this is... similar.]

[But not.]

[A dribble of saliva runs out of her mouth-- her jaw's gone slack. Vaguely aware that she should keep struggling, she starts to wiggle erratically.]</sub>

[exeggutorhead]

I don't know, I think it was the...the plant stuff.

[Slowly, he leeeans down and just. Sticks the arm holding Harpy Heather through the front door, trying to maneuver it so that he can just put her down in the kitchen. He can't see exactly where he does put her down, and in his state he doesn't think to look through the window.]

[Next is Hentree, inside you go you terrible monster children. While he's dumping Hentree in the house, he twists his neck so that he's facing Henry. The pupils in his big purple eyes are HUGE.]

Henry. Henry I think I want to lie down.

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[At the sight of his friend's HUGE BOTTOMLESS PIT pupils, Henry actually backs away. He hasn't actually seen his reflection in a monster's eyes before and it is spooky. Until Envy opens his mouth.]

[Henry is a professional stoner so for the moment he's just noticing colorful pinpricks in the air that he really really wants to try and catch.]</sub>

You...you do that. Can you curl up around the house so they don't push the doors open? I think I need to sit down too. I'm...I'm going to try and call our Heather.

_{[He tugs out his gear and starts punching numbers.]}

[foolishwren]

<sub>[She is successfully plopped down in the kitchen, where her talons proceed to not do particularly well on the linoleum.]

[Flopping around like a fish out of water, she crawls away from the dragon's claws, letting out a noise that's somewhere between a growl and a gurgle.]

[MUST HIDE.]</sub>

[exeggutorhead]

Yeah...yeah, okay. I can do that. I'm long right now.

[And he's not so sure that he could turn back into a person right now and not have some extremely out of proportion limbs and he doesn't want to look like a Picasso painting.]

[Not even bothering to hold his head up anymore, he languidly starts curling up around the house. Haha, shoving his face across the grass feels so weird. This is great. Everything's great. By the time he gets his head back around to the front door, he thinks that part of his middle is in the pool, but he doesn't bother moving it. He situates his head right in front of the door, trying to look over Henry's shoulder.]

Okay, they won't get out. And all these bubbles won't get in either.

[He opens his mouth and snaps his teeth, as though very lazily trying to catch one of said bubbles.]

Did Heather pick up the phone? Or Lust?

[no_ufo_ending]

Not yet! I keep trying but she's not answering...I hope she isn't being chased by those nurses again.

_{[Henry frets and keeps trying to call her--then changes tactics and attempts to text.]}

our evil twins are here im so high envys a dragon com home

[reluctantreceiver]

_{[Hentree was next to tumble into the house. He still spilled spores everywhere and while he had a lot better traction on the slick floor than his fellow godkiller, he was ungainly tall in this form and instantly smacked into the hanging pans in the kitchen.]}

Fuck!

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Oh god. The spores everywhere make things even WORSE. The harpy scrambles awkwardly until she straight-up smacks right off of the counter on the far side of the kitchen. And there she stays, swaying balefully and hissing. SHE AIN'T SCARE. SHE AIN'T SCARE OF NO THING.]

[But meanwhile, on the other end of Goldenrod City, Heather finally gets that text. She holds up a hand, signifying that the giant squid monster she's been fighting should wait a moment while she gets this, one sec.]</sub>

wtf

are you guys hurt??

[no_ufo_ending]

no but were rly high

its not my fault

well it is but not me it was the me that is a tree

i swear to god it makes sense just come home

[foolishwren]

_{[Oh god.]}

shit okay i'm coming

don't do anything stupid before i get there

[no_ufo_ending]

well be outside we have them trapped in the house

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy is just trying to read over Henry's shoulder, but isn't having a whole lot of luck with that. The screen is much too small and he is much too high. Slowly, he extends his ear fins out as far as they can go, and then slowly pulls them back in again.]

[And then just keeps on doing that.]

[HE AIN'T MOVING ANYTIME SOON.]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[About ten minutes later, Heather appears, huffing and puffing. She didn't have Carousel, Sunny, or Hurricane with her, so she'd had to run.]

[Wheezing, she jogs up to the house and... kind of pauses to marvel at the giant GARDEN HOSE surrounding the house. Whoa. Henry hadn't been lying.]</sub>

--Okay, WHAT the hell is goin' on?!