Envy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
exeggutorhead) wrote2015-05-12 05:05 pm
exeggutorhead) wrote2015-05-12 05:05 pm
63rd Transformation [text | action for Shark House]
When Envy wakes up early Saturday morning, it's to an empty bed.
It isn't an unusual thing; France has work most mornings, or gets up first to cook breakfast. There are plenty of places he could be. Except Envy doesn't remember France getting out of the bed to begin with, which even these days usually wakes him up at least a little. With a barbed feeling of unease tugging at his gut, he decides that it's nothing. He'll just go downstairs and find France and feel stupid for worrying.
France isn't anywhere in the house. Or the yard. Or in sight on the street.
Nobody else is awake yet to ask. It's half an hour of turning the 'Gear over and over in his hands before Envy finally hits Send on the short text that he'd deleted and re-typed five times.
Error: This number is not registered.
Must have dialed wrong.
Error: This number is not registered.
Ha, he can't believe his fingers are so clumsy this morning. He must be really tired. There's a roaring in his ears.
Error: This number is not registered.
---
Envy doesn't entirely remember walking out of the city and onto the route south of Goldenrod, and heading into the woods that run alongside it. He's still holding his 'Gear in one hand, and he must have grabbed his bag on the way out of the house because its weight is digging into his shoulder. Vaguely, he remembers that these were the same woods he'd gone to after Nanao had vanished the first time, years ago. France had come to get him that time. Stopped him from trying to break a tree down with his fists and talked to him and calmed him down. France was always the one to come find him when people vanished.
When was the last time Envy'd said he loved him? He suddenly can't remember, it never was very often. France had said it yesterday.
Something in him finally snaps underneath the numb disbelief, and he swings the bag as hard as he can at the closest tree. It makes a satisfying sound as it slams against the bark and the fabric tears. So he keeps at it until the strap breaks and the bag falls to the ground, spilling cracked-open Potion bottles and bright packages of trail mix all over the dirt. Satisfying, but not nearly enough because the moment he stops everything comes rushing back.
The rest of the house would be awake by now. He could call them, tell them where he is. But as soon as he thinks it, he realizes that he's not going to.
This time, Envy doesn't want to be found.
--
[It's just after dawn on Tuesday morning when Envy finally creeps back to the house. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. He probably would have come back the night before...but he's still self-aware enough to know that he doesn't really want anyone to see him like this. Right now, he looks like HELL. Just about like what you'd expect someone who just spent several days in the woods during a rainstorm, barely sleeping and having violent fits against nature.]
[If nobody catches him on his way in, he's going straight to get cleaned up. He's not okay, not by a long shot, but even in this state he can only stand being covered in mud for so long.]
[Later on in the morning, he sends out a text to the network.]
France is gone, for whoever knew him. If anyone got a Pokemon from him, tell me.
It isn't an unusual thing; France has work most mornings, or gets up first to cook breakfast. There are plenty of places he could be. Except Envy doesn't remember France getting out of the bed to begin with, which even these days usually wakes him up at least a little. With a barbed feeling of unease tugging at his gut, he decides that it's nothing. He'll just go downstairs and find France and feel stupid for worrying.
France isn't anywhere in the house. Or the yard. Or in sight on the street.
Nobody else is awake yet to ask. It's half an hour of turning the 'Gear over and over in his hands before Envy finally hits Send on the short text that he'd deleted and re-typed five times.
Error: This number is not registered.
Must have dialed wrong.
Error: This number is not registered.
Ha, he can't believe his fingers are so clumsy this morning. He must be really tired. There's a roaring in his ears.
Error: This number is not registered.
---
Envy doesn't entirely remember walking out of the city and onto the route south of Goldenrod, and heading into the woods that run alongside it. He's still holding his 'Gear in one hand, and he must have grabbed his bag on the way out of the house because its weight is digging into his shoulder. Vaguely, he remembers that these were the same woods he'd gone to after Nanao had vanished the first time, years ago. France had come to get him that time. Stopped him from trying to break a tree down with his fists and talked to him and calmed him down. France was always the one to come find him when people vanished.
When was the last time Envy'd said he loved him? He suddenly can't remember, it never was very often. France had said it yesterday.
Something in him finally snaps underneath the numb disbelief, and he swings the bag as hard as he can at the closest tree. It makes a satisfying sound as it slams against the bark and the fabric tears. So he keeps at it until the strap breaks and the bag falls to the ground, spilling cracked-open Potion bottles and bright packages of trail mix all over the dirt. Satisfying, but not nearly enough because the moment he stops everything comes rushing back.
The rest of the house would be awake by now. He could call them, tell them where he is. But as soon as he thinks it, he realizes that he's not going to.
This time, Envy doesn't want to be found.
--
[It's just after dawn on Tuesday morning when Envy finally creeps back to the house. He doesn't want to be alone anymore. He probably would have come back the night before...but he's still self-aware enough to know that he doesn't really want anyone to see him like this. Right now, he looks like HELL. Just about like what you'd expect someone who just spent several days in the woods during a rainstorm, barely sleeping and having violent fits against nature.]
[If nobody catches him on his way in, he's going straight to get cleaned up. He's not okay, not by a long shot, but even in this state he can only stand being covered in mud for so long.]
[Later on in the morning, he sends out a text to the network.]
France is gone, for whoever knew him. If anyone got a Pokemon from him, tell me.
no subject
Yeah, you can.
[He wonders if he should say anything else, but he can't think of what.]
no subject
I can't sleep.
[t's easier to avoid the obvious subject. Her heart's breaking for Envy, but these things are so difficult still. It isn't even a lie, she doesn't feel as though she can stand being alone in her room either. Misery loves company.]
no subject
[So he sits heavily down on the edge of the bed, not looking at her directly.]
Well...that makes two of us. We might as well stay awake together.
[If he could just pretend that this isn't a big deal, pretend that he's fine...maybe he can make himself fine.]
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[She sits beside Envy, hands in her lap. It's so strange. He's been a constant in her life as long as she can remember, but it wasn't until coming here that she ever really examined her feelings about him. He's always been the person she thinks of first, whenever she's had need of another person. She's told him as much, but he really is the first person she ever cared about in any real way. In so many ways, so many times, it had been just them. When she thinks of family, he's the only one who feels like true flesh and blood family.]
[Seeing him like this and knowing what this loss must be doing to him, it brings a cold sick feeling to her.]
[She wishes she could somehow ease his pain, but she knows she can't. She can't even begin to imagine the depths of it or the ways in which it must be tearing him apart inside. She can only be here for him in whatever capacity he'll accept. She leans against his side, gently, and rests her head on his shoulder.]
no subject
[Even though it's been a year, giving and receiving physical comfort is still a strange feeling with Lust. Not a bad one. But strange. He still has to remind himself that it's alright to seem weak around her.]
[But it is alright. As awkward and at times uncomfortable as it may be, it's alright. Safe. She's his family, completely, and he can let her see this.]
[So after a minute, he finally lets himself lean into her. His shoulders start tensing up.]
It's all so stupid.
[He spits the words out, and his eyes are beginning to burn. He mutters through gritted teeth.]
Sometimes I wish I really didn't have emotions.
[Because he's having FAR TOO MANY right now. More than he knows how to deal with.]
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[It's something she thinks about. It's something she and Scar have talked about, the possibility of one of them disappearing. Just the thought of it is enough to make her stomach tighten and her heart rattle haphazardly. She can't imagine the strength of the reality. Or how hard it must be hitting Envy.]
[She knows enough about his past now to understand losing people may hit him harder than most.]
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[He's so glad that she's here.]
...he could come back, you know. But if he does, he might not even remember me.
[His voice is quiet, dull. It's the thing he hadn't wanted to say out loud and admit to fearing until just now, the idea too overwhelming not to give voice to. And now that he's said it, something squeezes in his chest, and he notices that his face is wet.]
[He hurriedly reaches one hand to scrub hard at his eyes with the heel of his palm, teeth gritted.]
Damn it, not again--!
no subject
[Lust reaches into the pocket of her robe and offers him a tissue.]
It's just your body's reaction to the pain. There's no way to stop it, god knows it happens to me more times than I like to admit.
no subject
Human biology is so stupid, who decided that faces should just start leaking whenever they want?
[He knows that homunculi could too--Wrath cried all the time after all--and that it's a matter of biology and there's no one to really BLAME. But it makes him feel better to complain about it. Her being clinical and admitting that it happens to her helps too.]
And damn it, I can't even be...he'll be happy, being back home. It wasn't like with us. He liked it there. He missed it all the time, he had a hard time here with everything except the people.
[It's an incredibly selfish thing, wanting France to stay in this place he couldn't stand half the time, but Envy wanted it anyway. He still wants it now. But it's making him feel guilty, which is something he feels a lot more often than he'd like to these days.]
[Love makes everything so much more complicated than it used to be.]